It's been a whole quarter of a year! That being said, this year is kinda shitty so there's that.
Transition is weird. It's different for every person. I feel like there seems to be more variance in FTM than that of MTF. I know what will happen but everyone seems to grow in different ways at different speeds. This last month, for example, I have grown so much facial and body hair! I mean, the acne that comes with it sucks, but for now it just means the hair is growing and I cannot complain about that lol.
Along with hair came my voice drop. I have had my long-term (15 years) best friend say "Quinn? I just had to double check I called the right person because you sound COMPLETELY different," and it's only been about a month since we talked on the phone haha.
I made the realization I really prefer he/him pronouns and masculine terms. I have come to terms with the fact that I will want some sort of bottom surgery in the future and that is exciting and terrifying. I was even able to talk to my mom about this future change and she said she "assumed when I came out" lol. Not only that but as recently as today I started thinking about changing my middle name and maybe eventually changing my gender markers to M instead... This is why I need a trans competent therapist lol. (Which I finally found!!!)
The world is shut down. Literally. Thusly, I haven't been binding much as, honestly, what's the point. This has made me way more aware of my chest and as such I have been researching top surgery more. I will be super happy when I can just sit around without a shirt and not feel gross and wrong.
I have decided that my body hates pants with structure and so I just live in joggers. Which, to be honest, isn't so bad since I don't work right now and am under stay home orders from the government. Same brand, Same size, Same fit and cut, and somehow one is tight and one is loose. I don'r know so instead I'm just wearing comfy pants!
My doctor upped my dose from .4ml to .8ml and my moods have finally evened out. But, sadly my uterus pain has gotten worse. The good news is I am starting to figure out the difference between "period" atrophy pains and "my dick is growing" pains. It's not quite painful, but instead a weird twinge that feels like it could come from my abdomen but it doesn't.
My measurements don't make a ton of sense. I am getting smaller in the chest and legs but bigger in the arms. This may be because I am doing CrossFit. I mean, I haven't had a ton of motivation due to being stuck doing at home workouts but I am learning!
I noticed my face starting to change too, which seems soon but super exciting.
My therapist says I need to make the leap and expose myself more to the world so I can stop worrying about what others think about me and who I am. He says I am ready and since we have worked for 3 years together, I know he knows that I can do it. I mean hell, I am sitting here talking about super personal stuff on the internet so why not go for a damn walk around the neighborhood.
The biggest thing I think has been that I finally was able to go out into public and someone called me "sir." I didn't even realize he was talking to me. It was the best few hours afterwards of giddy excitement that someone finally SAW me and I didn't have to tell him. I wish I could tell that guy that he will always be part of my life and my story haha. Weird, but true.
Pictures are just me having fun this month. I also am gonna just stick my TikTok here. I have been very bored during quarantine and this is what I started doing to feel more in touch with the real world lol. @quinnchapman8 (apparently I am not the only one?).
Transition is weird. It's different for every person. I feel like there seems to be more variance in FTM than that of MTF. I know what will happen but everyone seems to grow in different ways at different speeds. This last month, for example, I have grown so much facial and body hair! I mean, the acne that comes with it sucks, but for now it just means the hair is growing and I cannot complain about that lol.
Along with hair came my voice drop. I have had my long-term (15 years) best friend say "Quinn? I just had to double check I called the right person because you sound COMPLETELY different," and it's only been about a month since we talked on the phone haha.
I made the realization I really prefer he/him pronouns and masculine terms. I have come to terms with the fact that I will want some sort of bottom surgery in the future and that is exciting and terrifying. I was even able to talk to my mom about this future change and she said she "assumed when I came out" lol. Not only that but as recently as today I started thinking about changing my middle name and maybe eventually changing my gender markers to M instead... This is why I need a trans competent therapist lol. (Which I finally found!!!)
The world is shut down. Literally. Thusly, I haven't been binding much as, honestly, what's the point. This has made me way more aware of my chest and as such I have been researching top surgery more. I will be super happy when I can just sit around without a shirt and not feel gross and wrong.
I have decided that my body hates pants with structure and so I just live in joggers. Which, to be honest, isn't so bad since I don't work right now and am under stay home orders from the government. Same brand, Same size, Same fit and cut, and somehow one is tight and one is loose. I don'r know so instead I'm just wearing comfy pants!
My doctor upped my dose from .4ml to .8ml and my moods have finally evened out. But, sadly my uterus pain has gotten worse. The good news is I am starting to figure out the difference between "period" atrophy pains and "my dick is growing" pains. It's not quite painful, but instead a weird twinge that feels like it could come from my abdomen but it doesn't.
My measurements don't make a ton of sense. I am getting smaller in the chest and legs but bigger in the arms. This may be because I am doing CrossFit. I mean, I haven't had a ton of motivation due to being stuck doing at home workouts but I am learning!
I noticed my face starting to change too, which seems soon but super exciting.
My therapist says I need to make the leap and expose myself more to the world so I can stop worrying about what others think about me and who I am. He says I am ready and since we have worked for 3 years together, I know he knows that I can do it. I mean hell, I am sitting here talking about super personal stuff on the internet so why not go for a damn walk around the neighborhood.
The biggest thing I think has been that I finally was able to go out into public and someone called me "sir." I didn't even realize he was talking to me. It was the best few hours afterwards of giddy excitement that someone finally SAW me and I didn't have to tell him. I wish I could tell that guy that he will always be part of my life and my story haha. Weird, but true.
Pictures are just me having fun this month. I also am gonna just stick my TikTok here. I have been very bored during quarantine and this is what I started doing to feel more in touch with the real world lol. @quinnchapman8 (apparently I am not the only one?).
1 year prior :)
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